and so this is Christmas

Hi its me,

The Ornament he bought for me

I feel like a bad friend, you know like the one who only calls or texts when their world is tilting the wrong way but wait no that doesn't seem right. I have great news, wonderful news! so I guess I'm like those other friends who only show up to boast and make you feel like your life is in some kind of sludge. Hhm Maybe I am the only one that happens to. 
 So guess what.... Guess guess guesssssss ok I'll tell you. A wedding happened =) isn't that so exciting. One of my best friends  was married this past November. 

Lorena

Life is always surprising me, you think its going one way and then bam out of nowhere comes a curve, this was a good surprise. We said at the beginning of the year 2015 that one of us was going to be married by the end of it (She was the one who said it to be perfectly honest)and I was kinda, actually very is a better word. I was very skeptical and yet hopeful that if it was meant to be for one of us that we wouldn't be wrapped in dense fog of  some past relationship or emotionally not ready. God only knows how many opportunities have passed us due to these valleys we have set up camp in for to long.

 I want to say a tad about her now. Not to praise her but to put into words what a great inspiration she has become to me in the past 6 years or so. I had just moved back to my home town when I was was shopping at a large retail store and I ran into a best friend whom she was with, the three of us just clicked right off. The rest is history as they say. I have seen her happy, sad, scared, in love, not so in love and  I don't know how to tell you this but in the last 3 years she has grown into a confident, emotionally healthy and spiritual woman of God. I am amazed every time we are together how much she has grown. Her and her husband are such a great couple. May they have many many years of happiness to come.

Her and I

November 2015

 

I am always taking pictures of our shoes, I LOVE Shoes!

 Me & My guy

One thing I know for sure is you can ever know what life has for you around the corner but every time a curve pops on your journey just know that whats behind you is old and whats before you is new and if it was made to last it wont stay behind but will stick by your side through every curve and twist that comes your way. 

Ps. it always makes it feel a tad less like its the end of the world when you have wonderful friends. I am truly blessed.

I will be writing again soon I promise. Enjoy your Christmas if I do not speak to you before than. Merry Christmas and a Happy New year to you all

Mela

04/13/2015

         

           I am feeling like at any second my tears are going to spill out of my eyes with out warning. My heart has so many questions and my head tells me its impossible to have them answered. I lost one of my Grandmas Monday morning. The grief has take the form of a cement bucket, I have to carry around and I don't want to leave it anywhere because Its mine and your supposed to carry it around right? So I showered with it siting in the tub with me, I was careful not to let it get too wet, I slept with it next to my bed and when I woke up I moved it out of the way so My niece could climb in my bed and say "Don't worry Tia Cece I'm here to save the day Its Super hero Elicity" (I swear She can see the bucket) I hid it with a pillow when my mom came in and said "Get up Lazy Bones as she tickled My super Hero. I carried it around my room as I looked for something to wear and made sure to grab it on my way to my car. I sat it on my passenger seat and rode to work with no music. At work I was unsure if I should get it off and I decided to leave it in the car but as I worked I realized that the tears came even with the bucket in the car. So the bucket had nothing to do with. I was kinda confused for a second as I wiped my tears away hastily at my desk. How was I grieving if I had left my grief in the car. Then it dawned on me it's because it was my heart my heart is sad and I can't leave my heart in the car. Then whats the bucket?!? I guess the bucket is just the feeling that death was just here and took something special to me and I realized as I sat at my desk that I could leave the bucket anywhere I wanted and not feel bad because My heart is all I need. Whether its full of tears or laughter its strong enough for it all and the bucket is just added baggage that I do not need. I decided that I would find a place and drop it off ASAP. No extra baggage for me. So yes the tears can and will spill out at will, and that's fine with me. I always think that tears are my heart cleansing me, my soul and my vision.   

                So about those Questions I have about my grandma Isabel Martinez. I'll go with # 5 on my Rules of Life. #5 Stop thinking too much, its all right not to know the answers. They will come to you when you least expect it. Deep breath and keep going.

 A few pics of what I seen today

Just up from one of her short naps she has been taking

Under that band aid is a tiny little itty bitty dot and that's her owie from falling down =)

She ended up taking it off because it had healed. 

Sisley on the phone

We love the sun!! Did I tell you she bought a house? Don't freak out lol It's a good thing. I promise!

Life is present and so am I. 

Are you?

Enjoy your day and I'll be back I promise.

Luv Mela

My Promise

NYE 2015

Whats a promise? The Merriam Webster's Dictionary says it's a statement telling someone that you will definitely do something or an indication of future success or improvement.

Some give promise rings to tell their significant other that they promise to wait for them and to treat them better then anyone else in the whole wide world.This has been going on for a long time. I believe in it. I find it very romantic.

 We are always promising someone something. Yes I promise to pay you rent every month or yes I will come to work on time when I am scheduled. How about I promise to raise you right and be the best most annoying parent ever! =) The list is endless.

However I have began to see a pattern around the world of another promise. I'm sure in our own ways we have said it for many centuries and maybe due to the presence of social media it seems that its more prevalent.  That promise is We will not live our lives in Fear! Fear of our safety against those who would bring harm to us and our children. This is our sad reality

But with this comes a strength from the bottom of my soul and begins to clear my vision so that I can see my path. I see the little ones in my life and I think what will they have to look forward to if their Tia is stuck their whole life and what type of future will they have if I can not provide what they need as they grow up into the leaders of tomorrow? I see myself and I wonder will I have to keep this extra emotional baggage and for what? It serves me no benefit. Some may say "Well you'll be sure not to have that happen to you again" and to that I say, Then I will not be living. Because to live is to not fear and I choose to Live!

So here's my promise to myself this year.

1. I promise to LIVE  

2. I promise to not look back. 

3. I promise to smile and mean it.

4. I promise to break the cycle and be the woman I was raised to be. 

5. I won't hide

6. I will be healthy

7. I am Not Afraid 

That's what has been on my mind for the past few days. It's a new year and what a better time to just to go for it. What do you say?